What role does the codependent play in the life of the addict?

Addiction is a family disease, and this explanation is in no way exhaustive, however it is an actual example of the family dynamic in addicted relationships. More often than not, it is the wife or mother of a loved one who contacts us for help for the addicted family member or spouse. They have reached the end of their rope, or the alcoholic/drug addict has hit bottom and finally asked for help. This is a critical point, and just the beginning. Most of the residential treatment centers listed on newliferecovery.net have a Family Program as part of their treatment program outline. This is a necessary component in recovery and the family members have an opportunity see "their part" in the addiction process.

 

For example, what happens if a mother of a still living at home 26 year old drug addict actually recovers and gets well? This stay at home mother's role has been to care for her son for 26 years now and rescue him from endless problems that his irresponsible behavior has resulted in. He has learned that although his mother is deeply disappointed, she will still bail him out of jail, make his car and insurance payments, give him spending money, make his dinner, wash his clothes, and clean his room. He makes promises to his mother that he will change, she is satisfied and they continue on in their unhealthy codependent relationship. As they say, if nothing changes...nothing changes.

 

 

The mother loves her son, and she convinces herself that her son would be lost without her. She may or may not be aware of the fact that if she did not have her son to lament over, she would probably have a very empty life. With all of her focus directed on saving her suffering addict son, she has no time to create a life for herself, or examine her own issues. What would her son do without her? She is needed, or at least this is what she tells herself. She will also complain to anyone who will listen about how her son drives her crazy, year after year, after year. This is the identity she has carved out for herself, externally referenced care taker.

 

In this scenario, the young man has not had the opportunity to grow up, and become a mature, functioning contributing member of society. Additionally, because he has not had to make a life for himself, which includes the trials, tribulations and joys that are the consequence of living one's life, his self esteem is little or non existent. He has been raised now with a solid sense of "entitlement", and in his mind, the world owes him. He is angry, restless and discontent. In some cases this person can become dangerous. If he does secure a job and move out of his mother's house, it usually does not last. He has developed no reasoning or coping skills, and more importantly has fostered no empathy for others. Soon he is back home with Mom (the only one that really understands him) and now he is 44 years old.

 

Willingness for a better life is the prerequisite to moving out of these stuck patterns of existence. Change is the key to lasting recovery for both the addict and the codependent. The funny thing is that the only constant in life is "change", however human beings have a hard time embracing change, even if they believe it will improve their present situation. They want improved circumstances, but have a hard time improving themselves. Change is necessary if we want to fully participate in life, and enjoy lasting sober recovery. Remember, there is power in beginning.

This is just one example of how the family dynamic plays out in addiction. For the best codependency treatment centers-click here.

 

By: Lisa Marie Anderson-Director/Developer of newliferecovery.net

Any copy or reprint of the content is prohibited without prior consent

Be our partner

newliferecovery.net lists the top addiction treatment centers in the United States, Canada. We do not list all treatment centers, please read our partnership agreement to learn more about listing on newliferecovery.net. Thank you.